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Cabeceo, invite someone to invite you

Updated: Apr 12, 2023

When it comes to cabeceo, I hear comments like these, especially from followers:

"At a milonga, I keep looking around to see if anyone is looking at me. But no one invites me, so I have to sit there for hours."

"There was a guy I'd like to dance with last night. So I looked at him almost the whole night, but he didn't pay any attention to me. What an idiot!"

When you don't get the result you want from cabeceo, it can be frustrating. At the same time, a small change in how you think about can turn it into a pleasant experience.

I started reading a book by Beatriz Dujovne called "In Strangers' Arms." It seems to have a useful tip for a situation like this one.

When I was uninitiated, an experienced woman dancer at another milonga, Viejo Correo, shared the secret of how the invitation really happens. "Do not move the head around looking at all men, just look at the one you would like to dance with. It looks as though the man invites," she said, "but the woman chooses which men to look at." She invites the invitation. True, the man may or may not respond, but he cannot invite someone who does not look at him. When I look without looking, I am scanning the environment to figure out who could be the two or three good dancers I would "invite to invite me" when I feel ready to dance.

What do you think?

If you don't mind, I'd like to add one more thing. You can say something like, "I want to dance with you, so invite me," along with the invitation. I'm sure he can hear you on a different channel.

Enjoy dancing.

Beatriz Dujovne’s Facebook page:

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